Safe word Basics:
Before participating in any bdsm related activity its important to establish rules with your partner(s). Everyone has a different tolerance for pain; along with different levels of what they are comfortable with. To communicate these limits and desires people commonly use “safe words” and hand gestures.
Why should I use a safe word?
The safety of your partner(s) and yourself should be the main priority during any scene; what might be easy for you to handle may not be the same for your partner(s). Using safe words allows the participants to communicate their needs efficiently and quickly.
What should my safe word be?
This is completely up to you and your partner(s) to decide and should be discussed thoroughly before partaking in any type of play. There is no limit to the amount of safe words you can use, but remember to keep things simple between you and your partner(s). A safe word should me short, easily identifiable, and easy to remember. Most commonly used safe words are: green (continue, I’m ok with this) yellow (slow down, less) red (stop). Along with this some choose to use food or counties ex: “banana”, “pineapple”, “carrot”. “Africa”, “Canada”, “Mexico”.
How do I talk about safe words with my partner(s)?
There should never be any shame in admitting to have a limit during a scene, your safety is #1 priority! When approaching a partner about the subject feel free to express any concerns or feelings about your limits; be sure to describe what can and can’t be pushed. If your partner(s) come to you to talk about safe words always listen with a open mind and understand their limits.
Most of the time there are 3 main conversations that any participants should have beforehand.
- The first conversation should cover EVERYTHING; express what you have experience doing, what you’d like to try, and what you will not try so that your partner(s) have a good idea of what they’re working with. After this safe words can be discussed and established.
- Second is the pre-play conversation. This conversation is normally short and just a quick reminder of what the safe words are, ex: “ok so remember red is stop, yellow is slow, and green is go”.
- Finally make sure to check up on your partner(s) to see if any desires and limits have changed (basically repeat the first conversation) this helps broaden the understanding between you and your partner(s) and keep everything safe.
What are hand gestures?
A lot of the time during a scene one may find themselves gagged or unable to speak. A common replacement of safe words are hand jesters! This can be anything from a peace sign to a snapping noise made with your fingers. Just like the safe words you can choose any hand jester that works best for you and your partner(s).
Play safe, communicate, and always listen to your partner(s) safe word!
Something else that can be done if gagged or unable to speak is holding a ball and dropping it or holding and squeezing something that makes a loud noise since the finger snapping can sometimes be masked by other noises like slapping or spanking.
Some handy advice right here for anyone thinking of getting into the BDSM scene! :)
To make sure that their experience with it is as fun and enjoyable as possible for everyone involved <3
In the Victorian era, hand-fans were used not only to cool oneself but also as a secret way to communicate the language of love. For example, by running one’s fingers through the fan’s ribs, one is trying to say, "I want to talk to you." The enigmatic language of the fan was widely used by both men and women.
I. A fan placed near the heart.
"You have won my love."
II. A closed fan touching the right eye.
"When may I be allowed to see you?"
III. A closed fan moved threateningly.
"Do not act so impudently!"
IV. A half-opened fan pressed to the lips.
"You may kiss me."
V. Covering the left ear with an open fan.
"Do not betray my secret."
VI. Hiding the eyes behind an open fan.
"I love you."
VII. Shutting a fully open fan slowly.
"I promise to marry you."
VIII. Fanning oneself slowly.
"I am married."
IX. Letting one’s fan rest on the right cheek or the left.
"Yes" and "No", interchangeably.
X. Opening and closing the fan several times.
"You are cruel."
XI. Fan in front of the face.
XII. Twirling the fan in the left hand.
"We are being watched."
XIII. Fan held over left ear.
"I wish to be rid of you."
XIV. Carrying an open fan in the left hand.
"Come and talk to me."
XV. Opening a fan wide.
"Wait for me."
XVI. Placing the fan behind the head with finger.
[Artwork: Secret, by Lee Yun-hi.]
thats one of the reasons why did my classmates think that i was a little bit weird
actually, after some time they got used to my live-reference-needs
it reminded me about one funny incident lmao
IT GOT BETTER